Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Featured Writing by Ethan & Jesse

The Very Good Idea

by Ethan and Jesse

It was a windy Monday, and Josh was at school. He didn't really like the class he was in and would sometimes fool around in the middle of a test. Once, his teacher, Mrs. Katter, saw Josh passing a note to his friend Max, and Josh was sent to the principal.

Josh got tired of being sent to the principal's office, so he wanted to make a potion to make Mrs. Katter nicer. That night, when everyone else in his house was sleeping and all the lights were off, Josh's lamp was on. He was trying to make his potion.

In the morning, Josh couldn't wait to use his potion on Mrs. Katter, so he tried it on his pet hamster. Surprisingly, his hamster disappeared! Then Josh understood that his pet was now invisible. He put another drop of potion where the hamster had been, and the animal reappeared.

Josh got another idea, a better one than before. He took a drop of the potion so he became invisible, too. He didn't want to go to school with his mother knowing about it, so he took another drop and reappeared. Before he went to school, he brought some of his prank supplies and his potion. Then he went to school and put his pranks all over Mrs. Katter's chair and office, and no one saw him.

At lunch, Mrs. Katter found the pranks. Josh found out so he took a two-inch thumbtack and put it on her chair. Right when she was about to sit down, though, all the kids ran into the classroom, and the tack flipped over. Josh had to think of something else.

The next day, he got to school early, before anyone else was there. He took another thumbtack and glued it to Mrs. Katter's chair. That day, Mrs. Katter brought in a new swivel chair because was tired of her old wooden chair -- so Josh's plan failed again.

Now Josh was really angry. He was sitting in his science class and paying attention to the mechanical subjects so he could create his next plan. That night, when everyone else was asleep, he was busy working on it.

Josh spent the whole night in the garage building something big. In the morning, he didn't walk to school; he took his so-called "bike." It looked like a bike, but it was actually the thing he had built, which he had transformed into the shape of a bicycle. On the way to school, a bully tried to knock over Josh's bike with his own, but Josh pushed a secret button hidden on his own bike, and green slime ate through the bully's bike.

There was just one problem. When Josh got to school, Mrs. Katter was out sick.

6 comments:

  1. Ethan & Jesse,

    I really like the way this story unfolded and how you paced it. You gave just enough information to keep me guessing and interested. I kept waiting to see what would happen next.

    One of the things that made this story so enjoyable and easy to read was the sentence fluency. You used a combination of long and short sentences and began your sentences in a variety of different ways.

    One thing I wondered about was how Mrs. Katter responded when she found the tack on her chair. Did she know who had put it there? Did it make her suspicious and possibly harder to trick later on?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Guys, Really nice job! Your story has a great flow and a solid ending. Alhough I wonder what will happend when Mrs.Katter gets back and just where Josh plans on lettng his green slime ooze.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your writing was funny and suspenseful. It kept my attention. I wonder will happen when Mrs. Katter comes back!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I liked it because it was solid writing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think this is really good, funny and suspenseful. What will you write next? Will Mrs.Katter get back at you?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Not bad, and sometimes funny. Why didn't Mrs.Katter notice anything? Maybe you should write that you made a potion that would turn Mrs. Katter into a FROG!

    ReplyDelete