After the Rain
by David
I wake to the sound of rain falling against my window. I look outside and see the dark, chilly sky. I get ready to go outside and then feel the grass squeaking beneath my shoes. The neighbors next door are trying to get their children into the car, but they are too busy splashing in the puddles.
The screeching of wheels distracts me from my thoughts. A crisp breeze gives me a chill, but I can see the bright sun fighting to get through the thick clouds. Soon the weather clears.
Now I notice the wonderful scent of flowers bursting from the rain and the smell of the earth after a storm. I trip over a fallen branch, and when I reach down, I feel the cold, green grass. Kids are looking out their windows and asking to go outside. Before I walk back to my house, I see the birds flying in the fresh air.
Academic Language: More than Just Vocabulary?
14 years ago
Nice poetic work, David!
ReplyDeleteDavid, I agree that the language you use is very poetic. I like the tension between the chill of early spring and the promise of warmer days.
ReplyDeleteThe language is good and very poetic. I especially like the first paragraph where you mention the "grass squeaking beneath my shoes."
ReplyDeleteThis is very solid writing, David. I really enjoyed the language you chose.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used that poetic vocabulary. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteDavid, I think your poetic language is very interesting.I also liked how you said the neighbors were trying to get their children into the car for school!
ReplyDeleteI like your piece because you try to
ReplyDeletemake me imagine what was going on. I especially like how you said "I notice the wonderful scent of flowers bursting from the rain."
Pretty good -- the first and third paragraphs use more "telling" while the second one involves more "showing." I like "the screeching of wheels distract me from my thoughts."
ReplyDeleteDavid, your writing is very original and interesting. I like how you use many scenery words.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I think it's great. The story is fantastic.
ReplyDelete